Sunday, April 25, 2010

Let Me Be Real

Do you know what it's like to wonder ?
-Keep On Hoping by Raul Midon & Jason Mraz

Waterworks just stopped, thank God. I just washed my face so that no one will realize what happened just now.

I'm supposed to be at that PMR Seminar at Universiti Malaya but then, I don't find it worth attending. The lecturers will only be talking about each subjects for an hour and a half. You definitely can't cover things in an hour and a half. Okay they might be giving you tips and all but neah, I rather stay home and study on my own than being at a place with hundreds of people and I can't even ask any question if I don't understand what the lecture is talking about.

You can say that I'm in a horrible state right now. I can feel that I'm tearing up on the inside. Geez, just when I thought things would be fine, when I thought things were falling back into place, they would just find a way to fall apart again.

A few days ago, you asked "Are we going to be like this forever ?". It seems like we are going to be like this forever. But now, no more solutions, no more wasting time on settling every arguments, no more. This is not something that we've gone through before, this is not some normal arguments that we've had recently. This is where things are not like how they used to be. It's like, I don't know you anymore, I don't know this oh-so-called friendship anymore.
We can't change, we can't do anything. Solutions will be the last thing we can find.
After a few days of negotiations, our answers remained the same ; "I don't know".
Imma stop bragging. After fathoming this issue over and over again, I'm putting my ego aside and decide to let it be the way it is. Let it be different, let us contact each other rarely, aite ? I don't give a flying tuck about myself, I don't give a damn if I'm going to be bummed or sad or whatsoever. As long as it will save you from this mess, from the headaches you've gone through throughout the arguments and all, just from wasting your time. It's just for your own good. No more arguments, no more bad ass dramas, no more effed up moments. I doubt that you'll be or feel any different if we're not close anymore.

Things were so great til 1st January '10. Then, things started to be on the rocks. Hence, I am not enjoying 2010. Isn't there any rewind button that I can press ? I would love to travel back to '09, when things were much better.

Oh dear,
Here comes.. the waterworks.

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