The Award For "The Best Album Of 2010"

This prestigious and coveted award is bestowed upon A Day To Remember's new album, What Separates Me From You.

I'd love to get my hands on this album and Homesick. Great albums ! You have to peruse the lyrics to all of their songs. You'll have the urge to tweet it or write it somewhere. They're so good :)

I'm in the mood to list down some of the tracks and a few lines of the lyrics, hehe.

1) Sticks & Bricks

If you can't stand the pressure,

Stay the fuck out of my way (Or you will pay),

This song goes out to everyone who's lied to my face,

My heart is filled with hate !

I'm making a difference,

I'm taking a chance (a chance),

You can say what you want about me,

But no one can tell me I can't.

2) All I Want

Let's leave no words unspoken,

And save regrets for the broken.

Will you even look back when you think of me?

If you take it from me,

Live your life for yourself,

'Cause when it's all said and done, you don't need anyone else.

Come on !

3) It's Complicated

You still know me, still not cut out for this sort of thing,

Never wanna be caught in between,

I need constant reminders of everything, SO WHAT,

It's who I am, I played it off so well,

I just hided it no matter how I been,

So nobody, nobody can tell.

You brought your worst and I'm right here,

Thought I've seen it all and it's never been so clear.

4) This Is The House That Doubt Built

I rely on myself just making sure that was clear,

I'm not in need of your crutches,

I faced all my fears and I won,

Well I knew I could have,

Life is not a rush, so make the best of what you have.

Don't wait, just go and when you find yourself, just please let me know,

It's not too late just let go.

In the end, it's not about what you have,

In the end, it's all about where you want to go,

And the road you take to help you get there,

I hope you that's fair, 'cause you've only got one life to lead,

So don't take for granted those little things,

Those little things are all that we have.

5) 2nd Sucks

I speak the truth and everybody else knows it,

So set your ego to the side and just get the fuck over it,

Can't waste my time on hateful people like you,

So keep wishing you were me and I'll keep making you have to.

(Hey, hey!)

Still got something left to say,

Only one in the world that I depend on is me,

I need nothing from no one, I take what I need,

Get a hold on yourself, and keep away from me.

6) Better Off This Way

When you fall, I'll be the only one who looks away,

When you call, I'll be the first to tell you I can't stay,

It's all over, I've found a better way to help keep you from me,

I'm better off this way..

7) All Signs Point To Lauderdale

I hate this town, it's so washed up,

And all my friends don't give a fuck,

They'll tell me that it's just bad luck,

When will I find where I fit in.

8) You Be Tails, I'll Be Sonic

I still wish you the best of luck baby,

And don't go thinking that this was a waste of time,

I couldn't forget you if I tried.

You kill what was left of the good in me,

I'm tired so let me be broken.

Look down at the mess that's in front of me,

No other words may be spoken,

And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried,

Kept all of my past mistakes down inside,

I'll live with regret for my whole life.

9) Out Of Time

10) If I Leave

Eargasmic

A Day To Remember ; What Separates Me From You

Song : You Be Tails, I'll Be Sonic.

You kill what was left of the good in me,

I'm tired so let me be broken,

Look down at the mess that's in front of me,

No other words may be spoken.

Song : All Signs Point To Lauderdale.

I hate this town, it's so washed up,

And all my friends don't give a fuck,

They'll tell me that it's just bad luck,

When will I find where I fit in.

Song : All I Want.

Let's leave no words unspoken,

And save regrets for the broken,

Will you even look back when you think of me?

Panic At The Disco ; A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

Song : London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines.

Just for the record,

The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:

A. Indifference or

B. Disinterest in what the critics say.. It's time for us to take a chance.

Song : Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks.

That's when you stu-stu-stutter something profound,

To the support on the line,

And with the way you've been talking,

Every word gets you a step closer to hell.

Song : I Write Sins, Not Tragedies.

I chime in with a,

"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things,

With a sense of poise and rationality.

Panic At The Disco ; Pretty. Odd.

Song : Northern Downpour

If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed,

Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea,

For diamonds do appear to be,

Just like broken glass to me.

And then she said she can't believe,

Genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues,

Tripping eyes and flooded lungs,

Northern downpour sends its love.

Song : That Green Gentleman

Things have changed for me and that's okay,

I feel the same, I'm on my way and I say,

Things have changed for me and that's okay.

Escape The Fate ; Self-Titled Deluxe Edition

Song : Gorgeous Nightmare

First impressions are hard to erase,

It's in my mind and it just won't go away,

Maybe I'm playing my cards way too safe,

I've gotta change.

Motionless In White ; Creatures

Song : London In Terror.

Real beauty on the inside does not apply to you,

I am the Ripper and it's killing time in this cutting room,

Our worst wounds we inflict upon ourselves,

I am as hollow as my willingness to let go.

Lions Roar

*That's Jeremy McKinnon and it's one of the scenes from Caraphernelia music video*

"What if I can't forget you? I'll burn your name into my throat, I'll be the fire that'll catch you."

; Caraphernelia by Pierce The Veil feat. Jeremy McKinnon.

I just downloaded a few albums. They are :

1. Motionless In White ; Creatures
2. Escape The Fate ; Self-Titled Deluxe Edition
3. Punk Goes Pop Volume 3
4. Eminem ; Recovery
5. All Time Low ; Nothing Personal
6. Panic At The Disco ; Pretty. Odd. & A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
7. The Hush Sound ; Like Vines
8. A Day To Remember ; What Separates Me From You.

These are the ones in my Recently Added list, so yeah. Lovin' every single thing I downloaded. Music is my favorite companion and of course, eargasmic music is the best. So, music-wise, I'm a happy girl :)

Thanks to my mundane life that shouldn't really be called "life", I've gained weight. No, I'm not gonna tell you my weight but it sure was depressing to know. Why did I step onto that weighing scale again? OK gonna blame mom for making me do that.

Ergh my appetite has been ridiculous for the past few days. All I can think of is food, food, food ! Even my mom opens her eyes widely every time I say that I want to eat. No wonder my weight has increased. Screw my laziness, I have to jog and burn these fats ! Oh well, I'm sure this motivation won't last long, but what the hell, it's worth the effort and all right? Yeah.

Sabrina's in Melbourne now and I hope she buys something for me, even though Supre is closed now, only God knows why. Whilst Dayang is still in Sarawak, only God knows when she's coming here ! Haih.

I'm listening to A Day To Remember's What Separates Me From You album and omg, it's so fucken' wicked ! I love A Day To Remember, I love their lyrics, I love Jeremy McKinnon. OK since I've nothing else to say and this post is just for the sake of updating my dusty blogger, I'm gonna bury myself six feet under my pillows while listening to A Day To Remember's wicked eargasmic shit.

Golden Touch

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."

; Everybody's Changing by Keane.

Hi hi ! How's everyone doing?

Other than the PMR candidates, I believe everyone's busy preparing for final exam and SPM yes? Well, good luck ! Soon, you'll be free birds too.

Jealousy breeds inside me whenever I hear my friends say that they're going on a vacation overseas with their family. I want to go on a vacation too. A getaway is very needed right now. I did ask my dad if he's taking us on a vacation or not, and he said maybe. It depends on my mom's strength and will. Hopefully she's okay with the idea of going away for a few days :}

My sleeping cycle is officially fxcked up. I've been sleeping late ever since PMR ended. Okay frankly speaking, it has been so long since the last time I slept before 12am. 'Cause even on school days, I never slept before 12am. Haha no joke. But now, I can't even sleep before 2. Even if I manage to fall asleep around 1am, it might be because I'm tired. To fix my sleeping cycle is on top of my To Do list, mhmm.

I've been happy with my life, thank God. But we all know, when we're happy, something bad is ahead and waiting for us. In my case, that bad thing did wait for me and it slapped me in the face. Life is definitely unfair. So, whenever you're happy, the only thing you can do is cherish that moment. Everyone knows something will turn ugly sooner or later.

I am tired and have had enough with being betrayed. The feeling of it is just too much to bear with.

A friend once said that he wouldn't smoke because he feared it would jeopardize his stamina. It seems like words can be so wrong right? To actually hear that he's now smoking because he's stressed up leaves me blank and my jaws wide open.

I hate it when one acts to me like nothing ever happened when actually something did. Please, I'm not Mr. Forgive-And-Forget's loyal follower. I forgive when I feel like he/she deserves forgiveness, whilst I honestly tell you that I'm not that person who forgets things easily, especially when it comes to people's flaws and wrong doings. So don't come and talk to me like shit never happened. Call me shallow-minded, call me immature. I'm only fifteen. You should call yourself immature for judging and not understanding.

Lastly, I hate selfish people. Don't ever think that you're the only one in the world who has problems. The world doesn't just revolve around you. As a matter of fact, it doesn't revolve around any of us. It revolves around the freaking sun. You should start thinking about other people. Don't talk to me about respect when you don't even respect yourself and other people. You need to give respect to earn it too.

This is ridiculous. Enough emotional shits.

Did you go to Paramore's concert on the 19th of October 2010? OMG it was off the heezay ! It was just too good. Hayley was cute and down to earth, hands down. She knew how to make the crowd go wild, she knew how to entertain us. Uhh words can't describe how amazing the concert was. I updated on the concert on my Tumblr. Lookie look at the short post I made on Tumblr and I inserted a few pictures too.

(The video is over-sized so it's not in the column. Watch it on YouTube !)

This was the best performance by Paramore. Everyone held up their handphones, lighters, and glowing sticks. Everyone sang along too. If you took a look at the crowd, it was beautiful :') Breathtaking, really. Watch at 4:26. Listen to the crowd singing the "And I'm on my way to believing" part. Hehehe it was love ♥

I've been listening to screamos nowadays. So bad, I know :( I mean, I still listen to proper music but more to screamos. This is bad, mhm. Well, I have new tunes that make my cochlea happy.

1. We Came As Romans - To Plant A Seed
2. Heaven Shall Burn - Given In Death
3. Confide - Such Great Heights
4. All That Remains - Hold On
5. A Day To Remember - All I Want
6. Escape The Fate - Issues
7. Chiodos feat. Vic Fuentes - Love Is A Cat From Hell
8. Of Mice And Men - Those In Glass Houses
9. Attila - Rage
10. Lorene Drive - Let It Go
11. Abandon All Ships - Take One Last Breath
12. Greeley Estates - You're Just Somebody I Used To Know
13. Asking Alexandria - A Prophecy
14. Dead By April - Losing You, What Can I Say & Found Myself In You. (Just listen to the whole album. It's good.)
15. Eyes Set To Kill - The Listening. (Listen to their new album, Broken Frames. (Y))
16. Miss May I - Relentless Chaos
17. Motionless In White - We Only Come Out At Night
18. Camera Obscura - French Navy & Lunar Sea
19. The Script - For The First Time
20. Cat Power - Wonderwall (Oasis cover)
21. Sienna Skies - Breathe
22. Lights - Jess And Jonny
23. Jimmy Eat World - Polaris
24. The Album Leaf - Always For You
25. Metric - Sick Muse
26. Keane - Crystal Ball
27. The Maine - Inside Of You
28. My Chemical Romance - Ghost Of You (Something back from 2004, hehe)
29. Silver Griffin - Baby
30. Playradioplay! - Madi Don't Leave

Okay okay that's enough. Adieu xx

Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease

"Seeing everyone's true face makes me wish they would keep their masks on."

; I Swear I'll Change by Attack Attack!

Don't ask me "How is life after PMR?" because, from my perspective, it is not even called a 'life'. I literally am lifeless now. Thought of working but what a bummer to know that 15 years old youths can't work. So okay, I can't earn my own money. Speaking of money, I don't dare to take a peek into my purse and piggy bank. Such a letdown, I must say. Especially since I bought myself a pair of high-waisted skinny jeans last week. Half of my money : Gone. But it was worth it, hihi.

My life has been mundane and my sleeping cycle has gone haywire. I told myself to throw away all of the unused books and papers that are piled up on my study table right after PMR ended. Look, it has been a week and the piles of books and papers remain untouched. I grounded myself on Saturday and Sunday because I've been going out quite often. So a few days staying indoor do no harm right?

You wanna know what sucks? That feeling when you're about to force yourself into your skinny jeans. It's tormenting, really. You can literally feel the skinny jeans is laughing at you and mocking like a bitch. It makes you feel fat. It makes you feel like going through liposuction. So, I've been going jogging again. At least I can exhale a sigh of relief. I feel like taking up tennis lessons again. I miss hitting and chasing that green ball.

We are all hypocrites.

Right now, I don't really know where am I standing. This soil that I'm standing on is making me feel like I rather be alone. Being alone is so much better than being surrounded with selfish and heartless people. Being alone is so much better than being forgotten. Being alone is so much better than everything that has to do with another human being.

To be more specific, I just don't understand why everyone is drifting away from each other. People blame arguments, accusations, assumptions and misunderstandings when actually, they should blame themselves for being the cause.

A few months ago, I had this clan that defines the word "Fun". It's impossible to not laugh nor smile when I'm around them. What made it better was, in that clan, there was my best guy friend. Now, we've gone separate ways. We rarely communicate. I'm talking about me and every single person in that clan okay. Everyone has gone separate ways and it saddens me to the core of my heart.

I can never stop myself from reminiscing the indelible moments and the old times which consist of good times and bad times. I think it's absurd when someone tells me to forget. Come on, you seriously believe that it's easy to forget everything that has ever happened? My dearest madre said, "You cannot run away from doing mistakes but you can avoid. Once you've done something that you regret, you will remember it 'til the day you grow white hair and get wrinkles". She's probably right.

Wait, I find it impossible to understand myself right now. I think what I just wrote was absurd, ey? It's 4:23am and I'm pouring out everything that has been making me feel uneasy. What the -- this is stupid. I should turn in now before I continue rambling nonsensical crap, yes? Yes. This is such a waste of time. Adieu.

Random fact : Russell Peters never fails to make me guffaw like a bitch, I kid you not.

Serenity

"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good."

; Pursuit Of Happiness by Kid Cudi feat. MGMT & Ratatat.

Freedom certainly does smell good, yes? :) PMR slaves have reached liberty and I am undeniably rapturous, albeit I felt nothing when the last paper, which was Living Skills, ended. Everyone had a grin on their face but I seriously felt nothing. There wasn't any reason for me to plaster a grin on my face, to shriek, anything. Nothing, nil. But to feel free like a bird is incredible !

Madre wants me to take up a language class (probably French) 'cause she doesn't want to see me become a couch potato, sloth-like and coop up in my room. Bottom line is, she just doesn't want to see me inanimate. I want to work and earn money. I wonder how does it feel like to break some sweat and earn money on my own, hmm *rubs chin*.

Post-PMR agendas haven't been perfectly planned out yet, but I have a few things in mind. Futsal with the chums is a definite must & spend some quality time with my girls and those who have been missing in action for a long time. I need to catch up with the social world, seriously. I feel so outdated sometimes. The smell of freedom is still fresh, so I shouldn't feel agitated by the unplanned plans or anything right? Right. So now, I'm back to my mundane life.

Slightly Perplexed

"You can scream out loud but your pain falls on deaf ears."

; Built For Sin by Framing Hanley.

September is coming to an end and I’ve to say that it has been the worst month. People have showed their true colors ; Betrayers, liars, hypocrites, impertinent youths, etc..

My vulnerability is worse than before. And, the effects of my downfalls tend to be very perturbing at times.

The title “The Worst Month” was bestowed upon September cause, let’s say, everything was out of my expectations. I lost (not in a deathly way) a best friend of a year plus whom I trusted and loved so much. Shit happened and I think we realized that we couldn’t bear anymore after 9 months of arguments going on and off. Now, we’re not really on speaking terms anymore.

I think love left me a long time ago. I tend to screw things up unintentionally and the result of it has always been incredibly f-ed up, I kid you not. It just isn’t fair you know. The words that exited your mouth were hard for me to believe cause from my perspective, everything seems to be rightly proven. Actions speak louder than words, yes? And it seems that actions have been making my points clear.

Miracles should pay me a visit more often like maybe.. right now?

You might realize this post on my Tumblr too. Yeah, heh.

"I Hope You Will Be With Me Forever"

2010 is not my year. Not just because I'll be sitting for PMR. 'Til now, everything seems to go wrong. I think luck doesn't revolve around me.


Boy,
I'm not sure if you'll come across this post or not but well, if you do, I'm just getting everything off my chest and mind.
I knew that things will go wrong sooner or later. It's just natural for me to be prone to disasters. That's what have been happening to me for the past 3 years. I just tend to screw things up without me knowing. I told you, you'll regret knowing me cause in the end I'll just be a pain in the ass. You might be saying to yourself, "If she could predict these things, why didn't she try to change? Learn from the mistakes?". I have no answer to that. I think I'm just so stupid, so I tend to forget the mistakes I did.

You came into my life just like that. You were that person I'd love to call as my best friend. But then things started to go into a different direction. That was when I realized you weren't just a best friend. You meant something more than that. You were someone I cared so much, someone I wouldn't get tired of, just someone that meant the whole world to me. I don't think words can completely describe everything.

I fell for you way before Sunday. I'm sorry but you caught me off guard that night. I should have said something but I just couldn't. It was like my voice box suddenly dysfunction. Mixed feelings and emotions struck. I wanted to say the same thing but I don't know what held me back. The feeling of guilt was at the peak of the Guilt-O-Meter. I even slapped myself for not saying anything. I thought I still had time to call and tell you how I felt that night, but no, you started to treat me differently. If only you waited for a little while like an hour or two.. If only.

Moving on was the only option huh? Waiting wasn't the option at all. I hoped for you to wait, but what the heck, when it comes to me, hoping is just a waste of time.

All this while, I wished for a second chance. But you're just not a fan of giving second chances. So that's just the perfect cue for me to let it all go and move on. If only moving on is easy, nothing will be a problem. Plus, I'm not your type of girl right? Yeah.

I've sacrificed a lot of things for you. I sneaked my way out of the house just to see you. I moved on from that guy because of you. I dropped a few things just to see you. What else? Hmm call me pathetic for doing those things for you. I deserve to be called 'pathetic', don't I?

Put aside the fact that I have feelings for you. I don't wanna lose you as a friend cause it's hard to find a guy as devoted as you. But to be honest, I decided to put a fullstop to everything not just because of that girl. I just don't want you to deal with me anymore. I'm just the definition of pain. I'm the definition of "waste of time". You wouldn't wanna waste your time on a fifteen years old girl like me. You're actually better off without me.

I'm sorry for all of the misunderstandings, accusations, assumptions, harsh words, wrong doings. I'm sorry for wasting your time all along. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I'm sorry for wasting your petrol. I'm sorry for being unfair to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I'm sorry for being so immature. I'm sorry for being so stupid. I'm sorry for being stubborn all the time. I'm sorry for being that girl you might look down upon now.

Yet,

Thanks for being there for me from the start. Thanks for those opinions and advices. Thanks for all the times we spent. Thanks for your attempts to cheer me up. Thanks for cracking me up. Thanks for caring. Thanks for listening to my rants. Thanks for being understanding all the time. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for being such a devoted friend.
And thanks for making me move on. I thought it was impossible for me to forget him but when you came into the picture, you made me realize that moving on from him wasn't as impossible as I thought it would be.

I might regret for what I did but as if I can do anything about it right? As if I'll get another chance to make things right again.

Take care, 15.

201. People change. Feelings change. It doesn't mean that the love once shared wasn't true and real. It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.

Whistle For The Choir

I'm in love with music. I can't live a day without listening to music.

There are some people who don't give a shit about music. They listen to it in the car or just when they get the chance. But me, as I wake up, if I have nothing to do, I'll just stay in bed, plug on my earphones and turn on the music.
Music connects with my mood. When I'm utterly pissed off, screamo helps. When I'm down, emo songs help. Thank God I'm a universal listener.

"Some people believe in God, I believe in music. Some people pray, I turn up the radio."

; A girl from Closer To The Edge by 30 Seconds To Mars.

Some people's passion in music can just go overboard, no?

To me, it's not fair for people to judge someone's interest in music.
For example, I'm into screamos. But some people tend to judge, like "It's not okay for a girl to listen to screamos. Where's your feminine side?".
Listening to screamos has nothing to do with our personality. It's the interest that counts, you shallow-minded people.
It annoys me to my guts when people tend to judge me based on my interest in music. It's not even a crime nor wrong.

I don't have an interest in a specific genre. I love anything that makes my ears jizz. Eargasm, you know.

1) Bring Me The Horizon - The Sadness Will Never End
As you see "Bring Me The Horizon", I bet the first thing that crosses your mind is, "This isn't music ! This is just a guy named Oliver Sykes, screaming his voice box out". Okay. Last time, when I listened to Bring Me The Horizon, I thought they were horrible ! Have you tried listening to Chelsea Smile? Pray For Plagues? Rawrrrr! ? I swear they were all horrible to me. But, try listening to them when you're pissed off. I swear, it calms you down a bit from all the rage.
Their new song, It Never Ends isn't that bad. They're a bit different now. They're not as bad as last time, really. The Sadness Will Never End is definitely my favorite.

2) Empire Of The Sun - Walking On A Dream
Their first song that I listened to was We Are The People. At first, it sounded weird to me. But after awhile, I just love it. Walking On A Dream is just too good. Eargasm, definitely ! Who else tells you that "we are always running for the thrill of it" ?

3) Passion Pit
Give it a try ! Listen to To Kingdom Come, Sleepyhead and Little Secrets. They're so catchy, I love.

You see, I listen to songs that sound weird too. As long as they're catchy, good lyrics, then fine with me.
And oh, I can never get tired of Avenged Sevenfold. They deserve gazillions of thumbs up !

Happy Eid Mubarak

This won't be a decent post. It'll be a short, simple one cause I'm too lazy to post something bombastic, y'know.
Anyway, Happy Eid Mubarak people !
This year's Raya spirit is nowhere to be found. And yes, it turned to be quite boring. Worse, we didn't take any family pictures. That picture with my grandma is the only picture I have. Sad, no?
Anyway, I hope all of you have a tremendous Raya ! Feast on all those lemangs and rendang, screw the weighing machine. This is not the time to go on a diet.
Be thrifty with the money you get, alright ?
xx

Deep Down

"We all learn to make mistakes and run from them, from them, with no direction."

; Misguided Ghosts by Paramore.

I'm just waiting for the time to fly faster, so that I can call Dydy. Ranting session awaits. In the mean time, I'm gonna blog. 'Cause almost every human being around me tends to annoy my guts right now.

Tonight is not really a good night for the most of us. I'm not the only one feeling like I'm six feet under depression and frustration. Such a good start for holiday, ain't it ? Mmm.
But, I've planned to make everything clear tonight. A free mind will definitely make my days far better. I'm too tired to go through another day with an unsettled problem. I'm in need of a peaceful holiday. Really, who wants to walk around with problems that have the weight of the world on their shoulders ? I just want to shrug this feeling and these problems off my shoulders. I need to take a breather, I need a time-out from all these bullshits.

To be frank, I'm the kind of person who hates changes. I know, everything, everyone changes in the end. But I just hate it so much. Especially when everything changes to the worst.
Like I said, when my friends change into someone I dislike, I say nothing. I keep my mouth shut but at the same time, I drift away from them. That's just the way it is, it doesn't matter if you like it or not. My parents raise me up well and one of their advices is ; Choose your friends. As they change into someone you dislike, drift away. It's not your loss.

I drifted away from my best friend of 5 years cause I just can't accept him for who he is right now. People might say like, "Omg, masalah gila Hazwani ni. Biar lah dia nak jadi macam mana pun, hidup dia kot. Apa masalah". You people can stick to your thoughts, I don't give a shit.
I think this is just a problem of acceptance. I can't accept him for who he is, I always think of every single thing he does as a mistake. I don't know. It feels so wrong.
To be honest, even though we haven't been on speaking terms for a few months now, I still do care about him. I mean c'mon, who can easily not care about a best friend of 5 years right ? Not me, I suppose.

This has to stop, I have to shrug this feelings off my shoulders, and tonight will be the night. I can never get along with depression and frustration, really. So I'm putting an end to it tonight.. Maybe.

From Fahmi Ismail's blog.

This Miracle Is Of Ecstatic Fright

"Let this be our little secret. No one needs to know we're feeling, higher and higher and higher."

; Little Secrets by Passion Pit.

You know you're screwed like a Thanks Giving turkey when you have that vision of what will happen if you tell your parents your exam results. Yes, that happened to me just now. My trials result is like poop. I feel like hanging myself but I just can't. It's a sin, and plus, I wanna sit for PMR. Ha ha ha, okay lame.
Anyway, just to shrug this disappointment off my shoulders, Imma tell you my results. Very heartbreaking, I tell you !

BM : 75%
English : 78%
Maths : 85%
Science : 75%
KH : 86%, I think.
Agama : 71%
Geography : 58%
Sejarah : 43%

5As, 1B, 1C, 1D !
You tell me, why shouldn't I feel like committing suicide right now ? Geography and Sejarah haven't been my best friend since form 1. I have no idea how to bond with them :( Gotta work harder, I guess.
I laughed yet still shed tears when teacher told me my marks for Sejarah. But she seemed to have faith in me, so that was a relief a bit :) Gotta spend more time staring at them good-looking books, mhmm ! PMR is in 30 days, I've no time to waste, yeah yeah yeah ~

On a brighter note, tomorrow's the last day of school before we get two weeks break from school. Thanks to Raya celebration ! We are in dire need of a time-out for awhile. But not to worry, I vowed to pay the library a visit once in awhile and not to abandon my books :) I hope I stick to that, cause usually, I'll procrastinate. Then BOOM, I won't stick to my plans and I'll break my vow. I deserve a tight slap for that.. Okay maybe not.
Hopefully, I'll feel guilty if I don't touch any books during the holidays. That way, I will at least study you know. Hehe.

Okay, why the hell am I babbling about studies ? For THIS, I should slap myself.
Hmm school has been like a war zone. Firecrackers exploding everywhere. Even though teacher warned us about playing with firecrackers in school, as usual, as if some people care right ? Boom here, boom there. I wonder, did anyone get a heart attack ? My heart was like pumping 100 times faster when there was a sudden explosion. Bloody arsewipes.

We're left with only 7 days of fasting, then it's Raya ! Yeepideedoo. Time flies by so fast, really. It's like, I blinked and realized that this is the last week of fasting month, wowzers. Sad a bit okay. Thank God it has been a good fasting month :) Aunt Flow paid me a visit for 6 days, haha.
This year's Raya, we're not going back to Negeri Sembilan cause mom has a treatment on the fourth day of Raya. So we'll be celebrating here only. Hihi, I can't wait to devour mom's rendang. Mm, mouth-watering :9 I love the atmosphere during Raya. I can actually feel the togetherness among the family members and all, you know. Ah I just love it when my family and relatives gather in the living room. We'll be reminiscing the old times, laugh about it and tease each other. Then dad will give duit raya to each one of us, as if he's presenting an award. Very formal, I kid you not :')
Omg, I can actually imagine everything ! Haha, unbelievable. Frankly speaking, time really flies by at the speed of light. I feel like it was just a few months ago when I wore my kebaya.

It was the 31st of August a couple of days ago. Which clearly means, our dearest Malaysia has reached it's 53rd year of freedom ! And guess what, it was on the Trending Topics on Twitter (#IHeartMalaysia). Even AJ Rafael wished us Happy Merdeka. And Kimora too ! :') So proud okay.

Okay enough of fantasizing and babbling. I've a date with Geography and my lovely Oreos, omnomnom.
Oh did I tell you, my room's air-conditioner is busted. So I have to sleep in my sister's room when she was still living in this house. It feels so different to sleep alone in some other people's room. I love my bed too much, but I can't do anything about it. Definitely will move back into my room when the air-conditioner is fixed, hehehe :B
Hookay I was about to go right ? Okay, ciao bella xx

Remembering MySpace

I miss doing surveys. It was my favorite thing to do when MySpace wasn't dead yet.

Took this from Harisah's profile

Lets say you had a baby with the last person you kissed?

I don't kiss people (:0

What’s the greatest thing that happened today?
Got back out trials result wasn't great, at all. So, I'd say, singing like there's no tomorrow with Harisah and Luen, and played Bounce on my phone with Azi :)

Do you find smoking unattractive?

I have nothing against smokers or the habit of smoking, but non-smokers definitely are the most attractive, nuff said !

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?

Bak kata Harisah : Up yo ass, mofo ! Hahahaha

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Heck yeah, I don't need nicotine and all those deadly substance to live.

Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

Nope.

Do you want to be single?

Why would I want that ? I AM single !

Have you ever dated the same person more than twice?

Hmmmm, nope, don't think so.

Do you consider yourself lucky?

Y-y-yeahh

Who was your last text from and what does it say?

I do nots remembers.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?

Yeap, sad shiz.

Have you ever drank alcohol?

Alcohol-free kay.

Do you have bangs?

No-ho-ho

Have you ever passed out from drinking?

Like I said, I'm alcohol-free, aiyo

Are you mean?

Can't you see this halo on my head ?!

How many people do you trust?

My trust issues make it possible for me to count the amount of people I trust with my fingers.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Sort of.

Do you get mad easily?

It depends on what's it about.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?

I don't do kissy kissy ni

Could you handle a long distance relationship?

I don't know. No experience. So yeah, no comment

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?

No one's perfect to be liked by everyone.

Where is the person you miss the most right now?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Ee apa kiss kiss ni. Bulan puasa la !

Did you have an exciting last weekend?

Hoho, yeah :)

The last song you heard?

Misguided Ghosts by Paramore. ♥

Sensitive or tough guys?
Both, but not too sensitive kay. :)

Has a friend ever stabbed you in the back?

Of course. And the amount of it is increasing.

Your parents split; would you want to live with your Mom or Dad?

Never thought about it, but most probably... mom

Seven days from now will you be in a relationship?

Hahaha memang tak lah.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?

Mommy's, when I was a kid of course

Take TWO.

What do you think of guys with hair down to their shoulders or lower?

Guys with short hair sorta look better.

Do you know how to play any instruments?

Piano

Are you more spiritual or religious?

Religious of course.

Do you like messing with people when they’re drunk/high/rolling?

I bet I'll like it hahahah

What’s something unique that your school does/has?

Do you expect me to give a positive answer about my school ? I seriously can't think of any right now.

How would you generally describe the people at your school?

Awesome possum 8)

Do you wear contacts/glasses/nonprescription colored contacts?

Glasses ! I wanna wear contacts but I'm scared of the infections.

Where’s your favorite place to get pizza?

Pizza Hut or Dominos. Haha I don't know how to differentiate 'em both.

What do you think of the sour patch kids commercials?

*scratches head

What do you plan on doing for a career?

Doctor :D

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier?

No, not really.

Who's your celebrity crush(es)?
Unlike other girls, I don't really have this celebrity crush thingymajiggy.

What do you think of fake people?

They can never turn back and become original again. Really, who likes people with plastic-attached attitude and personality ? No one okay.

Whats a song you absolutely hate?

I'm not sure.

Do you have one obsession at a time or multiple obsessions all at once?

Errrr, not sure :s

Your opinions on gay/bi people?

Even though it's against the religion, I have no rights to say anything. It's their lives so, let them live with it.

Ever been to a rave?

No

Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about?

Hahahahahahahaha don't knowsss :p

Can you give an example of a contradiction?

Errrrr..

Did you have any beer this past week?

I haven't had beer for 15 years and 6 months already, woah :O

Are you happy with life?

Despite the downs, life has been treating me well. :)

Could you cry right now?

I've no reason to cry.

Are you a jealous person?

Depends on what to be jealous of

Who do you text the most out of your friends?

No more texting partner.

If you could see one person right now, who would it be?

*insertname*

What were you doing this morning at 7am?

In the toilet

What do you need to be doing right now?

Relax, take it easy ~

Where have you lived throughout your life?

Here :')

Is there anything silver near you?

My headphones

What were you doing at 1 AM this morning?

On the bed, texting with Dani while listening to music.

Do you wear contacts?

Nope, glasses.

What color shirt are you wearing?

Light purple. Haha it's the shirt I got when I was in SK1. Year 2007 :')

Song playing right now?

It Never Ends by Bring Me The Horizon. Hihi

Where were you last Friday night?

Sabrina's crib for Science class, and chilled at home

Do you wear the seat belt in the car?

Sometimes

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?

Yes

Next vacation you’re going on?

I'm not sure, but it'll be with my chums. :)

Do you like to text or call more?

Depends on my mood. But usually, I text. Calls, at night je.

What’s the closest blue object to you?

Oreo :D

Do you like the color orange?

Not really.

Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?

No, I love myself for who I am.

What is the weather like today?

Hot. I was parched !

Was your last kiss sober?

Ish ish ishhh, gila la

Where will you be in an hour?
Right here. Anak dara mana boleh merayau malam malam. Lagi lagi pukul 11 lebih, tsk tsk tsk :p Hahahaha

Take It To The Floor

"We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it.."

; Walking On A Dream by Empire Of The Sun.

Just dropping by cause I'm bored to death and I just have nothing else to do. So hello !
I miss those days when I always update my blog. Every day. Then if I don't, Fahmi would brag about it and force me to update. "Update your blog ! I'm running out of reading materials." Haha okay Fahmi, okay.
Am I reminiscing right now ? I guess I am. One thing I miss the most is this :

Futsal with the boys in the morning, to Petronas right after, home to wash up then school. We were a bunch of healthy kids !

Alright, enough of reminiscing cause I can babble about it for so long, I kid you not.

PMR trials started on the 19th til 26th, and I gotta say, it was hell on Earth. Okay exaggerating a bit but I seriously think I did badly. BM was surprisingly shitty. Didn't expect the paper 2 to be that hard ! Lack of knowledge on Perpaduan, I guess. I've nothing to say about English paper 1. I was just too sleepy, I couldn't really concentrate. When the others were discussing the answers, I even went "Oh ada pilihan jawapan tu?" hahaha no, I ain't joking. Ran out of time when I was writing the essay so I'm not hoping for a high mark on my section A. Islamic Studies was alright, albeit there were a few blanks here and there as usual. I'm not gonna say anything about History cause I screwed it up. Geography was a bummer a bit but it was definitely better than History. Maths, Science and KH were the best. There were a few hard questions but I managed to answer most of 'em, thank God :) It's quite impossible for me to obtain 8As for this trials but hoping for at least 6A's, insyaAllah.

Things have been alright, I guess. A lot of things have been going on of course. Now I know how does it feel like to be left hanging. It surprised me to know that feelings could change so fast. So fast as in, within 7 days. First time to witness that. Heck, it proves that it's possible for it to happen right? When I've fallen for someone, that's when things decide to betray me. Why oh why.. Ain't gonna dig about this cause if I do, my mood will be f-ed. Not gonna take the risk :)

I've spent tremendous time with my friends. Safwat's birthday celebration by the pool on the 8th of August, the twins' birthday celebration + buka puasa with the school bunch at Delicious, then buka puasa at OU then Rasta with Azim Faiq Yusra Syafiq Erin Uzair Din Harfiq Danial Saifuddin Mukhlis Safwat. Those times I spent with them took my mind off of things and I thank them for that ♥

Right now, to be frank, I'm completely blank. I have no idea what to write about anymore and I think my f-ed up mood will be paying me a visit anytime soon. I better get my ass outta here ! Bidding you adieu xx

Of Chance And Luck And Pride

"Where we end up we can never know, and all I know is we seem to be changing."

; Saosin - Changing

This sudden urge to blog brought me here. So hello earth and all whom inhabit it. Miss me ? My disappearance for a month should make you people miss me and my babbles.

You should try listening to Changing by Saosin. The lyric is just good and the song is not bad either. Under that picture is one of the lines I love. Oh and this one ;

This is an act, stop holding back. The things you lost
Cannot replace what's missing.
(replace what's missing)
And from the start you played the part and now your heart's
Become a great deception.

SO,
How has it been ?
If you ask me, things have been alright for me. My August started bad, very bad. Everyone has a downfall right ? But I couldn't just let my downfall get in my way and not let me have some fun. Thanks to my optimistic thoughts, I'm fine now :)

Baby Danish is 8 months-old now and he's as cute as ever ! He has mastered the ability to crawl and climb up the stairs. But of course, when he climbs up the stairs, someone has to watch his back. If he falls backwards, Humpty Dumpty in the making please :( I'll definitely spend more time with him since mom said, at this age of his, is the best time to fool around. Albeit, I can't wait for him to grow up. Leng chai la ;)

School has been such a bore. The good thing is that I occupy my free times with a few exercises. Haha I shopped for workbooks and now, I have like a huge pile of 'em. I feel so nerdy, even though I haven't finished even one book. I'll try to finish all of my workbooks. It's a must ! Yes yes (motivated for awhile, this won't last long).

Today is the first day of fasting. Happy Ramadhan and happy fasting, fellow Muslims :) Do more goods, curse less, be a better person and be happy that you can reduce your weight and fats in a month. I'm sure girls looked forward to fasting month cause of the weight loss. Unless, you people feast like you haven't eaten for days once Maghrib enters.
It's just the first day of fasting, I am stoked of course. But I'm sure you people can't wait for Raya right ? Don't deny it cause I can't wait too. To devour mom's rendang with lemang, family gathering. Oh, I love :)
Speaking of family gathering, I'm gonna persuade mom to make one, where all of us buka puasa together-gether. Omg, just what I need !

This is enough after a month abducted by aliens right ? I guess so. Maghrib is entering in a few more minutes. It's time to see everyone's status on MSN stating "buka puasa", as usual hahaha. Alright, flat tummy, say hello to round tummy ! Have a great fasting month, people :)

Silence, Kill Me Softly

"I am in misery. There ain't no other who can comfort me."

; Maroon 5 - Misery

It's either I've lost faith in humanity or humanity ain't acting nice to me. We all know, nothing's perfect. Perfection is not real. But when someone actually thinks something is perfect, that probably is right from one's point of view, get me ? Generally speaking, nothing is perfect. Some things have to be wrong at some point of view.

Everyone has their own ways of rolling and dealing with things. If people actually have a problem with how you deal with things, it's their problem. Why should you care ? As long as you think what you're doing is right, as long as you don't feel like you're carrying guilt with the weight of the world on your shoulders, then it's fine.
My mom taught me to make my own decisions cause what we decide is better than asking for people's decisions. So screw you if you have a problem with how I deal with things.

We all know that everyone changes. When that happens, there's no one left that's real. I get the whole Everyone-Changes phase. I'm fine with it if you don't change into someone I dislike, into someone who's the complete opposite of you. I've been seeing my friends change into someone that I don't even tend to know. I'm used to it, believe it or not ? Last time, I'd give a flying tuck and try to confront them. But that's the past. I'm done. I have a new policy. I won't do anything, I'll just drift away. So when that happens, when I start to not talk to any of you out of a sudden, you know why.

Betrayal and hypocrisy. Ah probably the "it" thing, huh ? Apology won't cure this, apology isn't the medicine. You think it's so easy to be forgiven when you've betrayed someone, when you've became a hypocrite ? Knock your head twice with a rock or something and call yourself a moron. I don't provide second chances when you've betrayed me okay :) Some people are just so generous to give a second chance. I wonder, how could you trust a betrayer, a hypocrite ? How different people are right ?

A friend of mine said, "Accept people for who they are if you want them to accept you for who you are". Easier said than done, no ?

My mind is messed up. I have a best friend whom I've known for a year plus and he's not himself anymore. The way he treats me, the way we communicate, just not right.
I have a girl friend whom I'm not sure to trust or not. She is a good friend, to be frank. But you know what rumors can do right ?
Another best friend of mine ain't the same person anymore. Same shit all over again. I'm sick of this, I'm tired. Problems come after one and another, non-stop. Gimme some space, I need to take a breather !

This post is such a waste of time. This is my comeback, mhmm. Sickness, begone ! Problems, begone !

Deceptacon

Who took the bomp from the bompalompalomp?
Who took the ram from the ramalamadingdong?

Pfft who has the time and mood to blog on holidays ? Well, not me, that's for sure. This is just one of those moments where my mojo stops by, you know ? Okay, I'm talking nonsense.

Are you enjoying your holidays ? I.. am sorta enjoying it. Things are starting to get back into place, thank God for that. I tend not to take every single thing my mom says seriously and on the bright side, my parents haven't been troublesome for the past few days. So, things are cool. All of the problems I had are settled, albeit I still have doubts and all. Mhmm it's okay.

My bitch, Dydy was back on the 2nd of June, Wednesday. Of course I was ecstatic ! I thought I would not see her for 10 months, since she'll be back after PMR. Thanks to her mom for having some work to do here :B
On the day she arrived, I met her straight away. After tuition, I walked to her house and hung out there til 8. The next day, I picked her up right after school hahaha. Spent our time taking pictures and all before going to Rasta and met up with Luen. Izreen came late.
On Friday, we had a sleepover at Sabrina's with Sofia, Dydy, Hanna and of course, Sabrina. It was the shiz ! We had Science class so Dydy came after the class. Thanks to her camera kit, we took a lot of kick-ass pictures :D Burst into fits of laughter playing Human Hamburger, where all of us had to lie on each other. Pity to whomever that had to be the last person (the one who was on the bed) cause when everyone was on top of each other, oh God, so heavy okay ! But we still had time to laugh our asses off. I have no idea why. It was such a great laughing session, I swear. We slept around 4am. The 5 of us, on a queen-sized bed. Imagine that ! Macam ikan sardin HAHA. Woke up at 7.30am since Sabrina's dad wanted to treat us breakfast. Unfortunately, Dydy had a jogging date with her sister and Hanna had to go early. So there were only me, Sofia, Sabrina and her dad. Nasi Lemak at Village Park was aahh, mouth-watering ! I'll drag my parents there someday.

I love you, bitch ♥

Human hamburger !

*more pictures on Facebook*

Now, I'm dire need of an outing. I gotta spend my time with Sabrina Sofia Sarah and the others, Miera Harisah Shar Azi and the guys, and oh, Erin Safwat Faiq and Azim.
Get well soon Erin's grandmother ! :)
Went out with twins, Harisah, Luen and Izreen last Wednesday. Met Dani and Sofea too ! It was our first meet and oh I was glad to meet them :)
Stopped by Farhan's birthday for less than 10 minutes. I have my reasons. Spent time with my favorite bunch, met up with Dani and Sofea once in awhile. Went home around 7 then off to Rasta around 8 with my two favorite people. Settled a few things there, my brother picked me up at 10. Joined him at Chidas with his friends. I just realized that his friends are awesome. Crazy yet friendly. Well that wasn't their first time meeting me or something but they didn't put me aside you know. So it was alright. Watched them play UNO. It wasn't like any other normal games okay, hahaha. Funny ! We decided to head home at 11.30 and I was exhausted.

Books aren't my best friend this holidays. I do feel guilty but hey, I need a time out. Everyone needs a time out. Stop creeping me out with the "OMG you're gonna sit for PMR in another 4 months or less !". Imma cut you *Bonquiqui style*

Geez louise, this post is such a waste of time and inappropriate !

On repeat ;
i) Le Tigre - Deceptacon
ii) David Ryan Harris - Get Used To This
iii) Jesse Barrera - Tangled Up
iv) Mayday Parade - The Memory
v) Colbie Caillat - I Never Told You