Paralyzed

I'm not the kind of girl who will call up one of my best friends and just tell him or her what's disturbing me
No, I'll do that when I seriously need someone to talk to. When I feel like I'm losing my mind or I'm going to lose my mind, I'll let it out to anyone I trust

Right now, I have gazillion thoughts in my head from just one problem. I don't think I can solve it. I have to live with it actually
Til when, I don't know either but I just wish someone or something, maybe a solution, will put a fullstop to it

Starting with appreciation
Due to my hideous Geography and History marks, yes I got what I think, I deserve. Or maybe my parents think I deserve
A few mocks and insults here and there. Yeah, maybe I am stupid after all
People say that whatever our parents say, it will come true or it's sorta like a pray
They kept on saying I'm stupid and all sorts of 'good' response and now I'm being just like what they've been saying
Who said I didn't try my best ? I did ! If I don't give a damn about the exam, if I don't care about getting bad grades, I won't be studying, I won't swallow 2 to 4 Panadols a day, I won't sacrifice my time on studying when I can just use the laptop all day long
What else do you want from me ?
Yeah, they kept saying " Wani straight A's student so tak patut dapat B pun "
They think I'm a robot ? They think I'm a one of a kind human being, who doesn't have her own ups and downs ?
Stop comparing to other people, will you ? I can't be exactly like Boon Kheng or just whoever you hope I'm exactly like him or her
Yes, I said I don't care what my parents think cause to me, I've done my best
My parents expect me to get straight A's all the time. I should not get a B. Even a 75 doesn't make them proud
I rarely get a " Wow, congratulations ! ". Their response when I told them I got 100 for my Maths was " Alaa tu Maths. What about other subjects ? "
Don't you think like your hard work on getting such good marks for certain papers is just a waste ? As if you can just throw all your hard work away like a stinky trash
I was so hyped up to tell my parents my marks for Science which was 88 and then I told them my History's and Geography's marks
They forget about the Science marks and jumped to my weakness, my failure
I've never, I repeat, never ever felt appreciated on getting good marks. Instead, they keep telling me how stupid am I cause I can't get straight A's, I can't be like those people who are extremely smart. Not to forget, my parents always come up with a few names
They have high expectations on me, yes. But they expect me to get marks like 90 above. Sometimes, I think that's just absurd and impossible
Sometimes I feel like saying, " Why don't you guys adopt another child or maybe those people you've been comparing me to, just to make you guys satisfied ? "
I give up ! I've tried my best, I've been working quite hard, but what do I get in return ?
A few beatings here and there, a few mocks and insults. I'll take all that as nothing.