Friday, September 3, 2010

Deep Down

"We all learn to make mistakes and run from them, from them, with no direction."
; Misguided Ghosts by Paramore.

I'm just waiting for the time to fly faster, so that I can call Dydy. Ranting session awaits. In the mean time, I'm gonna blog. 'Cause almost every human being around me tends to annoy my guts right now.

Tonight is not really a good night for the most of us. I'm not the only one feeling like I'm six feet under depression and frustration. Such a good start for holiday, ain't it ? Mmm.
But, I've planned to make everything clear tonight. A free mind will definitely make my days far better. I'm too tired to go through another day with an unsettled problem. I'm in need of a peaceful holiday. Really, who wants to walk around with problems that have the weight of the world on their shoulders ? I just want to shrug this feeling and these problems off my shoulders. I need to take a breather, I need a time-out from all these bullshits.

To be frank, I'm the kind of person who hates changes. I know, everything, everyone changes in the end. But I just hate it so much. Especially when everything changes to the worst.
Like I said, when my friends change into someone I dislike, I say nothing. I keep my mouth shut but at the same time, I drift away from them. That's just the way it is, it doesn't matter if you like it or not. My parents raise me up well and one of their advices is ; Choose your friends. As they change into someone you dislike, drift away. It's not your loss.

I drifted away from my best friend of 5 years cause I just can't accept him for who he is right now. People might say like, "Omg, masalah gila Hazwani ni. Biar lah dia nak jadi macam mana pun, hidup dia kot. Apa masalah". You people can stick to your thoughts, I don't give a shit.
I think this is just a problem of acceptance. I can't accept him for who he is, I always think of every single thing he does as a mistake. I don't know. It feels so wrong.
To be honest, even though we haven't been on speaking terms for a few months now, I still do care about him. I mean c'mon, who can easily not care about a best friend of 5 years right ? Not me, I suppose.

This has to stop, I have to shrug this feelings off my shoulders, and tonight will be the night. I can never get along with depression and frustration, really. So I'm putting an end to it tonight.. Maybe.

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