Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Golden Touch

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."
; Everybody's Changing by Keane.

Hi hi ! How's everyone doing?
Other than the PMR candidates, I believe everyone's busy preparing for final exam and SPM yes? Well, good luck ! Soon, you'll be free birds too.
Jealousy breeds inside me whenever I hear my friends say that they're going on a vacation overseas with their family. I want to go on a vacation too. A getaway is very needed right now. I did ask my dad if he's taking us on a vacation or not, and he said maybe. It depends on my mom's strength and will. Hopefully she's okay with the idea of going away for a few days :}

My sleeping cycle is officially fxcked up. I've been sleeping late ever since PMR ended. Okay frankly speaking, it has been so long since the last time I slept before 12am. 'Cause even on school days, I never slept before 12am. Haha no joke. But now, I can't even sleep before 2. Even if I manage to fall asleep around 1am, it might be because I'm tired. To fix my sleeping cycle is on top of my To Do list, mhmm.

I've been happy with my life, thank God. But we all know, when we're happy, something bad is ahead and waiting for us. In my case, that bad thing did wait for me and it slapped me in the face. Life is definitely unfair. So, whenever you're happy, the only thing you can do is cherish that moment. Everyone knows something will turn ugly sooner or later.
I am tired and have had enough with being betrayed. The feeling of it is just too much to bear with.
A friend once said that he wouldn't smoke because he feared it would jeopardize his stamina. It seems like words can be so wrong right? To actually hear that he's now smoking because he's stressed up leaves me blank and my jaws wide open.
I hate it when one acts to me like nothing ever happened when actually something did. Please, I'm not Mr. Forgive-And-Forget's loyal follower. I forgive when I feel like he/she deserves forgiveness, whilst I honestly tell you that I'm not that person who forgets things easily, especially when it comes to people's flaws and wrong doings. So don't come and talk to me like shit never happened. Call me shallow-minded, call me immature. I'm only fifteen. You should call yourself immature for judging and not understanding.
Lastly, I hate selfish people. Don't ever think that you're the only one in the world who has problems. The world doesn't just revolve around you. As a matter of fact, it doesn't revolve around any of us. It revolves around the freaking sun. You should start thinking about other people. Don't talk to me about respect when you don't even respect yourself and other people. You need to give respect to earn it too.

This is ridiculous. Enough emotional shits.

Did you go to Paramore's concert on the 19th of October 2010? OMG it was off the heezay ! It was just too good. Hayley was cute and down to earth, hands down. She knew how to make the crowd go wild, she knew how to entertain us. Uhh words can't describe how amazing the concert was. I updated on the concert on my Tumblr. Lookie look at the short post I made on Tumblr and I inserted a few pictures too.

(The video is over-sized so it's not in the column. Watch it on YouTube !)
This was the best performance by Paramore. Everyone held up their handphones, lighters, and glowing sticks. Everyone sang along too. If you took a look at the crowd, it was beautiful :') Breathtaking, really. Watch at 4:26. Listen to the crowd singing the "And I'm on my way to believing" part. Hehehe it was love ♥

I've been listening to screamos nowadays. So bad, I know :( I mean, I still listen to proper music but more to screamos. This is bad, mhm. Well, I have new tunes that make my cochlea happy.

  1. We Came As Romans - To Plant A Seed
  2. Heaven Shall Burn - Given In Death
  3. Confide - Such Great Heights
  4. All That Remains - Hold On
  5. A Day To Remember - All I Want
  6. Escape The Fate - Issues
  7. Chiodos feat. Vic Fuentes - Love Is A Cat From Hell
  8. Of Mice And Men - Those In Glass Houses
  9. Attila - Rage
  10. Lorene Drive - Let It Go
  11. Abandon All Ships - Take One Last Breath
  12. Greeley Estates - You're Just Somebody I Used To Know
  13. Asking Alexandria - A Prophecy
  14. Dead By April - Losing You, What Can I Say & Found Myself In You. (Just listen to the whole album. It's good.)
  15. Eyes Set To Kill - The Listening. (Listen to their new album, Broken Frames. (Y))
  16. Miss May I - Relentless Chaos
  17. Motionless In White - We Only Come Out At Night
  18. Camera Obscura - French Navy & Lunar Sea
  19. The Script - For The First Time
  20. Cat Power - Wonderwall (Oasis cover)
  21. Sienna Skies - Breathe
  22. Lights - Jess And Jonny
  23. Jimmy Eat World - Polaris
  24. The Album Leaf - Always For You
  25. Metric - Sick Muse
  26. Keane - Crystal Ball
  27. The Maine - Inside Of You
  28. My Chemical Romance - Ghost Of You (Something back from 2004, hehe)
  29. Silver Griffin - Baby
  30. Playradioplay! - Madi Don't Leave
Okay okay that's enough. Adieu xx

Monday, October 18, 2010

Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease

"Seeing everyone's true face makes me wish they would keep their masks on."
; I Swear I'll Change by Attack Attack!

Don't ask me "How is life after PMR?" because, from my perspective, it is not even called a 'life'. I literally am lifeless now. Thought of working but what a bummer to know that 15 years old youths can't work. So okay, I can't earn my own money. Speaking of money, I don't dare to take a peek into my purse and piggy bank. Such a letdown, I must say. Especially since I bought myself a pair of high-waisted skinny jeans last week. Half of my money : Gone. But it was worth it, hihi.

My life has been mundane and my sleeping cycle has gone haywire. I told myself to throw away all of the unused books and papers that are piled up on my study table right after PMR ended. Look, it has been a week and the piles of books and papers remain untouched. I grounded myself on Saturday and Sunday because I've been going out quite often. So a few days staying indoor do no harm right?

You wanna know what sucks? That feeling when you're about to force yourself into your skinny jeans. It's tormenting, really. You can literally feel the skinny jeans is laughing at you and mocking like a bitch. It makes you feel fat. It makes you feel like going through liposuction. So, I've been going jogging again. At least I can exhale a sigh of relief. I feel like taking up tennis lessons again. I miss hitting and chasing that green ball.

We are all hypocrites.

Right now, I don't really know where am I standing. This soil that I'm standing on is making me feel like I rather be alone. Being alone is so much better than being surrounded with selfish and heartless people. Being alone is so much better than being forgotten. Being alone is so much better than everything that has to do with another human being.
To be more specific, I just don't understand why everyone is drifting away from each other. People blame arguments, accusations, assumptions and misunderstandings when actually, they should blame themselves for being the cause.
A few months ago, I had this clan that defines the word "Fun". It's impossible to not laugh nor smile when I'm around them. What made it better was, in that clan, there was my best guy friend. Now, we've gone separate ways. We rarely communicate. I'm talking about me and every single person in that clan okay. Everyone has gone separate ways and it saddens me to the core of my heart.

I can never stop myself from reminiscing the indelible moments and the old times which consist of good times and bad times. I think it's absurd when someone tells me to forget. Come on, you seriously believe that it's easy to forget everything that has ever happened? My dearest madre said, "You cannot run away from doing mistakes but you can avoid. Once you've done something that you regret, you will remember it 'til the day you grow white hair and get wrinkles". She's probably right.

Wait, I find it impossible to understand myself right now. I think what I just wrote was absurd, ey? It's 4:23am and I'm pouring out everything that has been making me feel uneasy. What the -- this is stupid. I should turn in now before I continue rambling nonsensical crap, yes? Yes. This is such a waste of time. Adieu.

Random fact : Russell Peters never fails to make me guffaw like a bitch, I kid you not.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good."
; Pursuit Of Happiness by Kid Cudi feat. MGMT & Ratatat.

Freedom certainly does smell good, yes? :) PMR slaves have reached liberty and I am undeniably rapturous, albeit I felt nothing when the last paper, which was Living Skills, ended. Everyone had a grin on their face but I seriously felt nothing. There wasn't any reason for me to plaster a grin on my face, to shriek, anything. Nothing, nil. But to feel free like a bird is incredible !

Madre wants me to take up a language class (probably French) 'cause she doesn't want to see me become a couch potato, sloth-like and coop up in my room. Bottom line is, she just doesn't want to see me inanimate. I want to work and earn money. I wonder how does it feel like to break some sweat and earn money on my own, hmm *rubs chin*.

Post-PMR agendas haven't been perfectly planned out yet, but I have a few things in mind. Futsal with the chums is a definite must & spend some quality time with my girls and those who have been missing in action for a long time. I need to catch up with the social world, seriously. I feel so outdated sometimes. The smell of freedom is still fresh, so I shouldn't feel agitated by the unplanned plans or anything right? Right. So now, I'm back to my mundane life.