Boy,
I'm not sure if you'll come across this post or not but well, if you do, I'm just getting everything off my chest and mind.
I knew that things will go wrong sooner or later. It's just natural for me to be prone to disasters. That's what have been happening to me for the past 3 years. I just tend to screw things up without me knowing. I told you, you'll regret knowing me cause in the end I'll just be a pain in the ass. You might be saying to yourself, "If she could predict these things, why didn't she try to change? Learn from the mistakes?". I have no answer to that. I think I'm just so stupid, so I tend to forget the mistakes I did.
You came into my life just like that. You were that person I'd love to call as my best friend. But then things started to go into a different direction. That was when I realized you weren't just a best friend. You meant something more than that. You were someone I cared so much, someone I wouldn't get tired of, just someone that meant the whole world to me. I don't think words can completely describe everything.
I fell for you way before Sunday. I'm sorry but you caught me off guard that night. I should have said something but I just couldn't. It was like my voice box suddenly dysfunction. Mixed feelings and emotions struck. I wanted to say the same thing but I don't know what held me back. The feeling of guilt was at the peak of the Guilt-O-Meter. I even slapped myself for not saying anything. I thought I still had time to call and tell you how I felt that night, but no, you started to treat me differently. If only you waited for a little while like an hour or two.. If only.
Moving on was the only option huh? Waiting wasn't the option at all. I hoped for you to wait, but what the heck, when it comes to me, hoping is just a waste of time.
All this while, I wished for a second chance. But you're just not a fan of giving second chances. So that's just the perfect cue for me to let it all go and move on. If only moving on is easy, nothing will be a problem. Plus, I'm not your type of girl right? Yeah.
I've sacrificed a lot of things for you. I sneaked my way out of the house just to see you. I moved on from that guy because of you. I dropped a few things just to see you. What else? Hmm call me pathetic for doing those things for you. I deserve to be called 'pathetic', don't I?
Put aside the fact that I have feelings for you. I don't wanna lose you as a friend cause it's hard to find a guy as devoted as you. But to be honest, I decided to put a fullstop to everything not just because of that girl. I just don't want you to deal with me anymore. I'm just the definition of pain. I'm the definition of "waste of time". You wouldn't wanna waste your time on a fifteen years old girl like me. You're actually better off without me.
I'm sorry for all of the misunderstandings, accusations, assumptions, harsh words, wrong doings. I'm sorry for wasting your time all along. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I'm sorry for wasting your petrol. I'm sorry for being unfair to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I'm sorry for being so immature. I'm sorry for being so stupid. I'm sorry for being stubborn all the time. I'm sorry for being that girl you might look down upon now.
Yet,
Thanks for being there for me from the start. Thanks for those opinions and advices. Thanks for all the times we spent. Thanks for your attempts to cheer me up. Thanks for cracking me up. Thanks for caring. Thanks for listening to my rants. Thanks for being understanding all the time. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for being such a devoted friend.
And thanks for making me move on. I thought it was impossible for me to forget him but when you came into the picture, you made me realize that moving on from him wasn't as impossible as I thought it would be.
I might regret for what I did but as if I can do anything about it right? As if I'll get another chance to make things right again.
Take care, 15.
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