Monday, October 18, 2010

Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease

"Seeing everyone's true face makes me wish they would keep their masks on."
; I Swear I'll Change by Attack Attack!

Don't ask me "How is life after PMR?" because, from my perspective, it is not even called a 'life'. I literally am lifeless now. Thought of working but what a bummer to know that 15 years old youths can't work. So okay, I can't earn my own money. Speaking of money, I don't dare to take a peek into my purse and piggy bank. Such a letdown, I must say. Especially since I bought myself a pair of high-waisted skinny jeans last week. Half of my money : Gone. But it was worth it, hihi.

My life has been mundane and my sleeping cycle has gone haywire. I told myself to throw away all of the unused books and papers that are piled up on my study table right after PMR ended. Look, it has been a week and the piles of books and papers remain untouched. I grounded myself on Saturday and Sunday because I've been going out quite often. So a few days staying indoor do no harm right?

You wanna know what sucks? That feeling when you're about to force yourself into your skinny jeans. It's tormenting, really. You can literally feel the skinny jeans is laughing at you and mocking like a bitch. It makes you feel fat. It makes you feel like going through liposuction. So, I've been going jogging again. At least I can exhale a sigh of relief. I feel like taking up tennis lessons again. I miss hitting and chasing that green ball.

We are all hypocrites.

Right now, I don't really know where am I standing. This soil that I'm standing on is making me feel like I rather be alone. Being alone is so much better than being surrounded with selfish and heartless people. Being alone is so much better than being forgotten. Being alone is so much better than everything that has to do with another human being.
To be more specific, I just don't understand why everyone is drifting away from each other. People blame arguments, accusations, assumptions and misunderstandings when actually, they should blame themselves for being the cause.
A few months ago, I had this clan that defines the word "Fun". It's impossible to not laugh nor smile when I'm around them. What made it better was, in that clan, there was my best guy friend. Now, we've gone separate ways. We rarely communicate. I'm talking about me and every single person in that clan okay. Everyone has gone separate ways and it saddens me to the core of my heart.

I can never stop myself from reminiscing the indelible moments and the old times which consist of good times and bad times. I think it's absurd when someone tells me to forget. Come on, you seriously believe that it's easy to forget everything that has ever happened? My dearest madre said, "You cannot run away from doing mistakes but you can avoid. Once you've done something that you regret, you will remember it 'til the day you grow white hair and get wrinkles". She's probably right.

Wait, I find it impossible to understand myself right now. I think what I just wrote was absurd, ey? It's 4:23am and I'm pouring out everything that has been making me feel uneasy. What the -- this is stupid. I should turn in now before I continue rambling nonsensical crap, yes? Yes. This is such a waste of time. Adieu.

Random fact : Russell Peters never fails to make me guffaw like a bitch, I kid you not.

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