Thursday, December 3, 2009

Crumbs



I need to burst into fits of laughter right at this moment.


To make people understand that I'm the kind of girl who gets annoyed easily is just hard, is it ? I hate seeing myself being dragged into a mess, into problems that actually have an easy way out but harder solutions are chosen instead.


In this house, I'm the one who will be blamed for everything. I repeat, everything ! And everything means, even the smallest thing, even the thing that doesn't even matter, mom will put the blame on me. Which leads to me receiving tirades, which will lead to me being rude since there are times when I can't control my temper. Then, things won't be pretty. Is it because I'm the youngest ? Or is it because I'm the one with the wild, outgoing attitude ? Unlike my brother and sister, huh ?


As much as I hate being in a confused state, I just realized that I did make or am making a person be in that hated state. Figuring out the answers is not my thing, especially since I'm a pessimist, negative thoughts are the only thing that will come to my mind first. Answers are the only thing I need all the time. But it seems like answers are the hardest thing I can get.


In a matter of days, I'll know what will happen next. I'll know what I've been waiting for a long time. Then I'll be asking myself, "Have I been wasting my time all along or was it worth it to wait ?".


Right now, I'm walking around with guilt on my shoulders. It doesn't feel nice. No, not at all.

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