Sunday, February 21, 2010

What Do You Want From Me ?

I seriously loathe guys who say something that has to do with flirting and pretty girls. Long story short, guys who care about looks so effing much. I know, girls do that too but yeah, you should understand okay.

Boy, you know my feelings for you. But were you being inconsiderate or something ? Telling me that she's hot, you would flirt with pretty girls. What are you trying to pull off ? After almost a year of knowing me, I guess you still don't know my sarcasm or how sensitive I am.
I know, I'm just being too sensitive but you have to understand too. When you ask me, why the sudden mood change, I didn't tell you why cause I respect you. I know that if I tell you the truth, you would say something like, It's not a big deal or, Why does it matter ? Of course it's easy for you to say but it's not easy for me to handle.
I needed time to move on cause I don't want THIS to happen. I wanted to move on first then we could be friends like we used to be because I don't want this to happen. Yes, this crap, where I'll be jealous of every single thing that has to do with another girl.
We've solved our problems, I know that. But I've always wanted to ask you, do I matter to you ? Am I such a big deal in your life ? Am I important to you ? And who am I actually, to you ?
I know, you have answered that and your answer was, "Cause you're my best friend."
I've never seen someone who doesn't wanna lose a best friend who always starts an argument, who always cause so much trouble in your life.
Imma need a straight forward answer from you, boy. I don't wanna waste my time on this anymore.

Next !

Okay, I'm trying to be as optimistic as a pessimist can ever try to be. And I believe that fights among friends will come and go. I mean, what friendship doesn't have arguments and all ? I believe the answer is None. One thing that my mom taught me was ; Choose your friends. I believe that I will never follow my friends' influences. I might only be fifteen but I believe that I'm smart enough to think what's right and wrong, don't you think so ?
Another thing ; Trust nobody. If you know me very well, you'll know that I have trust issues. Yes, I do. If you've gained my trust, then lucky you, lucky me :)
If you've lied to me, no matter how small it is to you, it will turn out to be a big deal to me. And once you've lied to me, it needs a serious effort to gain my trust again, believe me. So, for me to accept your apology, it takes quite some time. I don't care if you say, "She's being so immature to make this like such a huge deal". Well, I'm sorry if I'm like this but don't blame me okay. It's just me. I just don't wanna end up in the same situation, twice.
I also believe that every human being in this world has their own dark side, bitchy attitude, etc. And every human being dislike other human being. So I don't care if there's anyone who hates me, talks bad things about me. I think I deserve it. I mean, if I don't have an effed up side of me, where else can I learn from my mistakes ? For example, if people say that I'm being such a busy body, I will at least try to stay out of trouble and not care about other people.
If I pretend to not be myself and if people love me for that, they are actually liking me for who I am not. So don't you think it's better to be hated for who you are than liked for who you are not ?

Thanks to my mom, my friends, everyone, I'm starting to learn not to give a flying tuck about anything. Being trash talked, hated, misunderstood, everything.

Have a nice day xx


Mami Poko said...

are these like life lessons?

cuz 'trust nobody' is in my syllabus.

Hazwani AZ said...

It's just like, I'm letting it all out. I'm going through a rough night so blogger was my best friend for a moment.

Anonymous said...

you...are... a psychologist hazwani.. trust nobody is a right thing. we trust them,but not too much,cos if we depend on one terlalu bnyk,then what happen to ourselves...kan?!!?!?! we jut gotta be independent..thts life. =/

Mami Poko said...