Sunday, February 21, 2010

What Do You Want From Me ?


I seriously loathe guys who say something that has to do with flirting and pretty girls. Long story short, guys who care about looks so effing much. I know, girls do that too but yeah, you should understand okay.

Boy, you know my feelings for you. But were you being inconsiderate or something ? Telling me that she's hot, you would flirt with pretty girls. What are you trying to pull off ? After almost a year of knowing me, I guess you still don't know my sarcasm or how sensitive I am.
I know, I'm just being too sensitive but you have to understand too. When you ask me, why the sudden mood change, I didn't tell you why cause I respect you. I know that if I tell you the truth, you would say something like, It's not a big deal or, Why does it matter ? Of course it's easy for you to say but it's not easy for me to handle.
I needed time to move on cause I don't want THIS to happen. I wanted to move on first then we could be friends like we used to be because I don't want this to happen. Yes, this crap, where I'll be jealous of every single thing that has to do with another girl.
We've solved our problems, I know that. But I've always wanted to ask you, do I matter to you ? Am I such a big deal in your life ? Am I important to you ? And who am I actually, to you ?
I know, you have answered that and your answer was, "Cause you're my best friend."
I've never seen someone who doesn't wanna lose a best friend who always starts an argument, who always cause so much trouble in your life.
Imma need a straight forward answer from you, boy. I don't wanna waste my time on this anymore.

Next !

Okay, I'm trying to be as optimistic as a pessimist can ever try to be. And I believe that fights among friends will come and go. I mean, what friendship doesn't have arguments and all ? I believe the answer is None. One thing that my mom taught me was ; Choose your friends. I believe that I will never follow my friends' influences. I might only be fifteen but I believe that I'm smart enough to think what's right and wrong, don't you think so ?
Another thing ; Trust nobody. If you know me very well, you'll know that I have trust issues. Yes, I do. If you've gained my trust, then lucky you, lucky me :)
If you've lied to me, no matter how small it is to you, it will turn out to be a big deal to me. And once you've lied to me, it needs a serious effort to gain my trust again, believe me. So, for me to accept your apology, it takes quite some time. I don't care if you say, "She's being so immature to make this like such a huge deal". Well, I'm sorry if I'm like this but don't blame me okay. It's just me. I just don't wanna end up in the same situation, twice.
I also believe that every human being in this world has their own dark side, bitchy attitude, etc. And every human being dislike other human being. So I don't care if there's anyone who hates me, talks bad things about me. I think I deserve it. I mean, if I don't have an effed up side of me, where else can I learn from my mistakes ? For example, if people say that I'm being such a busy body, I will at least try to stay out of trouble and not care about other people.
If I pretend to not be myself and if people love me for that, they are actually liking me for who I am not. So don't you think it's better to be hated for who you are than liked for who you are not ?

Thanks to my mom, my friends, everyone, I'm starting to learn not to give a flying tuck about anything. Being trash talked, hated, misunderstood, everything.


Have a nice day xx

4 comments:

Mami Poko said...

are these like life lessons?

cuz 'trust nobody' is in my syllabus.

Hazwani AZ said...

It's just like, I'm letting it all out. I'm going through a rough night so blogger was my best friend for a moment.

Anonymous said...

you...are... a psychologist hazwani.. trust nobody is a right thing. we trust them,but not too much,cos if we depend on one terlalu bnyk,then what happen to ourselves...kan?!!?!?! we jut gotta be independent..thts life. =/

Mami Poko said...

HI HI HI HI ! BLOG PL0X! I SHO BORED AND NOZZING TO READ WOH.

:(

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