From Fahmi Ismail's blog.

This Miracle Is Of Ecstatic Fright

"Let this be our little secret. No one needs to know we're feeling, higher and higher and higher."

; Little Secrets by Passion Pit.

You know you're screwed like a Thanks Giving turkey when you have that vision of what will happen if you tell your parents your exam results. Yes, that happened to me just now. My trials result is like poop. I feel like hanging myself but I just can't. It's a sin, and plus, I wanna sit for PMR. Ha ha ha, okay lame.
Anyway, just to shrug this disappointment off my shoulders, Imma tell you my results. Very heartbreaking, I tell you !

BM : 75%
English : 78%
Maths : 85%
Science : 75%
KH : 86%, I think.
Agama : 71%
Geography : 58%
Sejarah : 43%

5As, 1B, 1C, 1D !
You tell me, why shouldn't I feel like committing suicide right now ? Geography and Sejarah haven't been my best friend since form 1. I have no idea how to bond with them :( Gotta work harder, I guess.
I laughed yet still shed tears when teacher told me my marks for Sejarah. But she seemed to have faith in me, so that was a relief a bit :) Gotta spend more time staring at them good-looking books, mhmm ! PMR is in 30 days, I've no time to waste, yeah yeah yeah ~

On a brighter note, tomorrow's the last day of school before we get two weeks break from school. Thanks to Raya celebration ! We are in dire need of a time-out for awhile. But not to worry, I vowed to pay the library a visit once in awhile and not to abandon my books :) I hope I stick to that, cause usually, I'll procrastinate. Then BOOM, I won't stick to my plans and I'll break my vow. I deserve a tight slap for that.. Okay maybe not.
Hopefully, I'll feel guilty if I don't touch any books during the holidays. That way, I will at least study you know. Hehe.

Okay, why the hell am I babbling about studies ? For THIS, I should slap myself.
Hmm school has been like a war zone. Firecrackers exploding everywhere. Even though teacher warned us about playing with firecrackers in school, as usual, as if some people care right ? Boom here, boom there. I wonder, did anyone get a heart attack ? My heart was like pumping 100 times faster when there was a sudden explosion. Bloody arsewipes.

We're left with only 7 days of fasting, then it's Raya ! Yeepideedoo. Time flies by so fast, really. It's like, I blinked and realized that this is the last week of fasting month, wowzers. Sad a bit okay. Thank God it has been a good fasting month :) Aunt Flow paid me a visit for 6 days, haha.
This year's Raya, we're not going back to Negeri Sembilan cause mom has a treatment on the fourth day of Raya. So we'll be celebrating here only. Hihi, I can't wait to devour mom's rendang. Mm, mouth-watering :9 I love the atmosphere during Raya. I can actually feel the togetherness among the family members and all, you know. Ah I just love it when my family and relatives gather in the living room. We'll be reminiscing the old times, laugh about it and tease each other. Then dad will give duit raya to each one of us, as if he's presenting an award. Very formal, I kid you not :')
Omg, I can actually imagine everything ! Haha, unbelievable. Frankly speaking, time really flies by at the speed of light. I feel like it was just a few months ago when I wore my kebaya.

It was the 31st of August a couple of days ago. Which clearly means, our dearest Malaysia has reached it's 53rd year of freedom ! And guess what, it was on the Trending Topics on Twitter (#IHeartMalaysia). Even AJ Rafael wished us Happy Merdeka. And Kimora too ! :') So proud okay.

Okay enough of fantasizing and babbling. I've a date with Geography and my lovely Oreos, omnomnom.
Oh did I tell you, my room's air-conditioner is busted. So I have to sleep in my sister's room when she was still living in this house. It feels so different to sleep alone in some other people's room. I love my bed too much, but I can't do anything about it. Definitely will move back into my room when the air-conditioner is fixed, hehehe :B
Hookay I was about to go right ? Okay, ciao bella xx

Remembering MySpace

I miss doing surveys. It was my favorite thing to do when MySpace wasn't dead yet.

Took this from Harisah's profile

Lets say you had a baby with the last person you kissed?

I don't kiss people (:0

What’s the greatest thing that happened today?
Got back out trials result wasn't great, at all. So, I'd say, singing like there's no tomorrow with Harisah and Luen, and played Bounce on my phone with Azi :)

Do you find smoking unattractive?

I have nothing against smokers or the habit of smoking, but non-smokers definitely are the most attractive, nuff said !

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?

Bak kata Harisah : Up yo ass, mofo ! Hahahaha

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Heck yeah, I don't need nicotine and all those deadly substance to live.

Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

Nope.

Do you want to be single?

Why would I want that ? I AM single !

Have you ever dated the same person more than twice?

Hmmmm, nope, don't think so.

Do you consider yourself lucky?

Y-y-yeahh

Who was your last text from and what does it say?

I do nots remembers.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?

Yeap, sad shiz.

Have you ever drank alcohol?

Alcohol-free kay.

Do you have bangs?

No-ho-ho

Have you ever passed out from drinking?

Like I said, I'm alcohol-free, aiyo

Are you mean?

Can't you see this halo on my head ?!

How many people do you trust?

My trust issues make it possible for me to count the amount of people I trust with my fingers.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Sort of.

Do you get mad easily?

It depends on what's it about.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?

I don't do kissy kissy ni

Could you handle a long distance relationship?

I don't know. No experience. So yeah, no comment

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?

No one's perfect to be liked by everyone.

Where is the person you miss the most right now?

Somewhere over the rainbow.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Ee apa kiss kiss ni. Bulan puasa la !

Did you have an exciting last weekend?

Hoho, yeah :)

The last song you heard?

Misguided Ghosts by Paramore. ♥

Sensitive or tough guys?
Both, but not too sensitive kay. :)

Has a friend ever stabbed you in the back?

Of course. And the amount of it is increasing.

Your parents split; would you want to live with your Mom or Dad?

Never thought about it, but most probably... mom

Seven days from now will you be in a relationship?

Hahaha memang tak lah.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?

Mommy's, when I was a kid of course

Take TWO.

What do you think of guys with hair down to their shoulders or lower?

Guys with short hair sorta look better.

Do you know how to play any instruments?

Piano

Are you more spiritual or religious?

Religious of course.

Do you like messing with people when they’re drunk/high/rolling?

I bet I'll like it hahahah

What’s something unique that your school does/has?

Do you expect me to give a positive answer about my school ? I seriously can't think of any right now.

How would you generally describe the people at your school?

Awesome possum 8)

Do you wear contacts/glasses/nonprescription colored contacts?

Glasses ! I wanna wear contacts but I'm scared of the infections.

Where’s your favorite place to get pizza?

Pizza Hut or Dominos. Haha I don't know how to differentiate 'em both.

What do you think of the sour patch kids commercials?

*scratches head

What do you plan on doing for a career?

Doctor :D

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier?

No, not really.

Who's your celebrity crush(es)?
Unlike other girls, I don't really have this celebrity crush thingymajiggy.

What do you think of fake people?

They can never turn back and become original again. Really, who likes people with plastic-attached attitude and personality ? No one okay.

Whats a song you absolutely hate?

I'm not sure.

Do you have one obsession at a time or multiple obsessions all at once?

Errrr, not sure :s

Your opinions on gay/bi people?

Even though it's against the religion, I have no rights to say anything. It's their lives so, let them live with it.

Ever been to a rave?

No

Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about?

Hahahahahahahaha don't knowsss :p

Can you give an example of a contradiction?

Errrrr..

Did you have any beer this past week?

I haven't had beer for 15 years and 6 months already, woah :O

Are you happy with life?

Despite the downs, life has been treating me well. :)

Could you cry right now?

I've no reason to cry.

Are you a jealous person?

Depends on what to be jealous of

Who do you text the most out of your friends?

No more texting partner.

If you could see one person right now, who would it be?

*insertname*

What were you doing this morning at 7am?

In the toilet

What do you need to be doing right now?

Relax, take it easy ~

Where have you lived throughout your life?

Here :')

Is there anything silver near you?

My headphones

What were you doing at 1 AM this morning?

On the bed, texting with Dani while listening to music.

Do you wear contacts?

Nope, glasses.

What color shirt are you wearing?

Light purple. Haha it's the shirt I got when I was in SK1. Year 2007 :')

Song playing right now?

It Never Ends by Bring Me The Horizon. Hihi

Where were you last Friday night?

Sabrina's crib for Science class, and chilled at home

Do you wear the seat belt in the car?

Sometimes

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?

Yes

Next vacation you’re going on?

I'm not sure, but it'll be with my chums. :)

Do you like to text or call more?

Depends on my mood. But usually, I text. Calls, at night je.

What’s the closest blue object to you?

Oreo :D

Do you like the color orange?

Not really.

Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?

No, I love myself for who I am.

What is the weather like today?

Hot. I was parched !

Was your last kiss sober?

Ish ish ishhh, gila la

Where will you be in an hour?
Right here. Anak dara mana boleh merayau malam malam. Lagi lagi pukul 11 lebih, tsk tsk tsk :p Hahahaha

Take It To The Floor

"We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it.."

; Walking On A Dream by Empire Of The Sun.

Just dropping by cause I'm bored to death and I just have nothing else to do. So hello !
I miss those days when I always update my blog. Every day. Then if I don't, Fahmi would brag about it and force me to update. "Update your blog ! I'm running out of reading materials." Haha okay Fahmi, okay.
Am I reminiscing right now ? I guess I am. One thing I miss the most is this :

Futsal with the boys in the morning, to Petronas right after, home to wash up then school. We were a bunch of healthy kids !

Alright, enough of reminiscing cause I can babble about it for so long, I kid you not.

PMR trials started on the 19th til 26th, and I gotta say, it was hell on Earth. Okay exaggerating a bit but I seriously think I did badly. BM was surprisingly shitty. Didn't expect the paper 2 to be that hard ! Lack of knowledge on Perpaduan, I guess. I've nothing to say about English paper 1. I was just too sleepy, I couldn't really concentrate. When the others were discussing the answers, I even went "Oh ada pilihan jawapan tu?" hahaha no, I ain't joking. Ran out of time when I was writing the essay so I'm not hoping for a high mark on my section A. Islamic Studies was alright, albeit there were a few blanks here and there as usual. I'm not gonna say anything about History cause I screwed it up. Geography was a bummer a bit but it was definitely better than History. Maths, Science and KH were the best. There were a few hard questions but I managed to answer most of 'em, thank God :) It's quite impossible for me to obtain 8As for this trials but hoping for at least 6A's, insyaAllah.

Things have been alright, I guess. A lot of things have been going on of course. Now I know how does it feel like to be left hanging. It surprised me to know that feelings could change so fast. So fast as in, within 7 days. First time to witness that. Heck, it proves that it's possible for it to happen right? When I've fallen for someone, that's when things decide to betray me. Why oh why.. Ain't gonna dig about this cause if I do, my mood will be f-ed. Not gonna take the risk :)

I've spent tremendous time with my friends. Safwat's birthday celebration by the pool on the 8th of August, the twins' birthday celebration + buka puasa with the school bunch at Delicious, then buka puasa at OU then Rasta with Azim Faiq Yusra Syafiq Erin Uzair Din Harfiq Danial Saifuddin Mukhlis Safwat. Those times I spent with them took my mind off of things and I thank them for that ♥

Right now, to be frank, I'm completely blank. I have no idea what to write about anymore and I think my f-ed up mood will be paying me a visit anytime soon. I better get my ass outta here ! Bidding you adieu xx

Of Chance And Luck And Pride

"Where we end up we can never know, and all I know is we seem to be changing."

; Saosin - Changing

This sudden urge to blog brought me here. So hello earth and all whom inhabit it. Miss me ? My disappearance for a month should make you people miss me and my babbles.

You should try listening to Changing by Saosin. The lyric is just good and the song is not bad either. Under that picture is one of the lines I love. Oh and this one ;

This is an act, stop holding back. The things you lost
Cannot replace what's missing.
(replace what's missing)
And from the start you played the part and now your heart's
Become a great deception.

SO,
How has it been ?
If you ask me, things have been alright for me. My August started bad, very bad. Everyone has a downfall right ? But I couldn't just let my downfall get in my way and not let me have some fun. Thanks to my optimistic thoughts, I'm fine now :)

Baby Danish is 8 months-old now and he's as cute as ever ! He has mastered the ability to crawl and climb up the stairs. But of course, when he climbs up the stairs, someone has to watch his back. If he falls backwards, Humpty Dumpty in the making please :( I'll definitely spend more time with him since mom said, at this age of his, is the best time to fool around. Albeit, I can't wait for him to grow up. Leng chai la ;)

School has been such a bore. The good thing is that I occupy my free times with a few exercises. Haha I shopped for workbooks and now, I have like a huge pile of 'em. I feel so nerdy, even though I haven't finished even one book. I'll try to finish all of my workbooks. It's a must ! Yes yes (motivated for awhile, this won't last long).

Today is the first day of fasting. Happy Ramadhan and happy fasting, fellow Muslims :) Do more goods, curse less, be a better person and be happy that you can reduce your weight and fats in a month. I'm sure girls looked forward to fasting month cause of the weight loss. Unless, you people feast like you haven't eaten for days once Maghrib enters.
It's just the first day of fasting, I am stoked of course. But I'm sure you people can't wait for Raya right ? Don't deny it cause I can't wait too. To devour mom's rendang with lemang, family gathering. Oh, I love :)
Speaking of family gathering, I'm gonna persuade mom to make one, where all of us buka puasa together-gether. Omg, just what I need !

This is enough after a month abducted by aliens right ? I guess so. Maghrib is entering in a few more minutes. It's time to see everyone's status on MSN stating "buka puasa", as usual hahaha. Alright, flat tummy, say hello to round tummy ! Have a great fasting month, people :)

Silence, Kill Me Softly

"I am in misery. There ain't no other who can comfort me."

; Maroon 5 - Misery

It's either I've lost faith in humanity or humanity ain't acting nice to me. We all know, nothing's perfect. Perfection is not real. But when someone actually thinks something is perfect, that probably is right from one's point of view, get me ? Generally speaking, nothing is perfect. Some things have to be wrong at some point of view.

Everyone has their own ways of rolling and dealing with things. If people actually have a problem with how you deal with things, it's their problem. Why should you care ? As long as you think what you're doing is right, as long as you don't feel like you're carrying guilt with the weight of the world on your shoulders, then it's fine.
My mom taught me to make my own decisions cause what we decide is better than asking for people's decisions. So screw you if you have a problem with how I deal with things.

We all know that everyone changes. When that happens, there's no one left that's real. I get the whole Everyone-Changes phase. I'm fine with it if you don't change into someone I dislike, into someone who's the complete opposite of you. I've been seeing my friends change into someone that I don't even tend to know. I'm used to it, believe it or not ? Last time, I'd give a flying tuck and try to confront them. But that's the past. I'm done. I have a new policy. I won't do anything, I'll just drift away. So when that happens, when I start to not talk to any of you out of a sudden, you know why.

Betrayal and hypocrisy. Ah probably the "it" thing, huh ? Apology won't cure this, apology isn't the medicine. You think it's so easy to be forgiven when you've betrayed someone, when you've became a hypocrite ? Knock your head twice with a rock or something and call yourself a moron. I don't provide second chances when you've betrayed me okay :) Some people are just so generous to give a second chance. I wonder, how could you trust a betrayer, a hypocrite ? How different people are right ?

A friend of mine said, "Accept people for who they are if you want them to accept you for who you are". Easier said than done, no ?

My mind is messed up. I have a best friend whom I've known for a year plus and he's not himself anymore. The way he treats me, the way we communicate, just not right.
I have a girl friend whom I'm not sure to trust or not. She is a good friend, to be frank. But you know what rumors can do right ?
Another best friend of mine ain't the same person anymore. Same shit all over again. I'm sick of this, I'm tired. Problems come after one and another, non-stop. Gimme some space, I need to take a breather !

This post is such a waste of time. This is my comeback, mhmm. Sickness, begone ! Problems, begone !